And so we begin...

This weblog is intended to be a commentary on my spiritual journey. As you can see from my profile, I'm on my way but not there yet (so to speak!) I'll give a bit more detail here: having left university (at Cambridge) prematurely last summer (after having to deal with some very difficult stuff), I was forced to look in detail at my spiritual life and what I truly believed.

The (Anglican) church that I had been attending was (and is) very orthodox (for an Anglican church) - they oppose the 'ordination' of women, their liturgy is a slightly adapted form of the Book of Common Prayer, the preaching from the pulpit was always resolutely traditional ("the faith once given" as the Vicar put it) - but with the imminent 'consecration' of women to the episcopate, an irrevocable step that will put the Church of England beyond all hope of reunion with the Roman and Eastern Churches, there seemed no way for such a church to continue without converting to the Roman Church (which the Vicar said he would never do), going into schism with the C of E (not a really tenable position, if the church wished to still call itself Catholic), or capitulating.

Not wishing to risk the latter happening, I stopped attending last October and spent some time considering my own position; did I only believe what I did because I had been going to that church (so that they might change if I attended a different Anglican Church - remember that my experience of other elements of Anglicanism had been pretty limited), or were they my own true beliefs.

I set out to discover which it was by attending a different Anglican church which, although it used the BCP, was much more 'middle-of-the-road' in its theology and outlook. This was the first time in my life that I had been exposed to a view of church as little more than a social club, with some nice songs and a short 'thought for the day' from the Vicar. I was drawn in for a while (humans always like to have friends, and I was feeling rather lonely at that time), but I found myself disagreeing with both the Vicar and most of the congregation on so many points, that I could no longer face going there anymore. It seemed then that I had experienced all forms of Anglicanism (having already witnessed Evangelicalism at my parents' Baptist church, which seemed pretty indistinguishable from Anglican Evangelicalism), that approach seemed entirely unfeasible.

What about Orthodoxy? One Sunday was enough to convince me that while they seemed to most things right, the fact that my Greek (and Slavonic) is non-existent and I couldn't cope with the length of services (I know most people don't go to it all, but I just can't get my head around that) really meant that crossing the Bosporus wasn't an option either.

So that left Roman Catholicism. I had been a few times to the Oratory in London (Anglo-Catholics do have a predilection for decently-ordered liturgy, in whatever denomination it may be found), albeit only to Sunday Vespers, so I gave the Mass there a try. I went to both the early (Low) Old Rite, and the later (Solemn) Novus Ordo Masses: the former to see what it was like (I had never been to one before); the latter to get my musical fix. My Latin being pretty good and my knowledge of ceremonial and liturgical structure quite broad, I enjoyed both but found the 'bump' of having readings and intercessions in English at the Novus Ordo quite disconcerting. The revelation was the atmosphere of devotion: the Anglo-Catholic church had never lacked it, but the sheer awe with which everyone (congregation and clergy) approached the service lifted my heart and soul far above anything I had ever experienced. 'Terribilis est locus iste: hic domus Dei et porta caeli: et vocabitur aula Dei' said Jacob after his dream of the ladder: I couldn't agree more.

However, living as I do in south London, the weekly commute was rather arduous so I set about looking for somewhere more local. I chanced to have a conversation with one of the Chaplains, who told me about a church much nearer to me which had a Sung Old Rite Mass every week - the best of every world.

So this is where I have been going for the last three weeks, and have been co-opted into the choir there. Although not as visually impressive as the Oratory (few churches in England are), it has a comfortable feeling while still directing the eye to the Altar - the centerpiece of the liturgy and (as so much religious art has shown over the centuries) the doorway to heaven. I'll be starting instruction with one of the priests there this week, and so I shall truly begin the journey to the True Church.

As for the weblog, I'll try to keep it updated with how I'm getting on in my instruction, plus reaction to developments in the Anglican and Roman Churches. It is my fervent hope that it may provide encouragement to those following the same path, as well as a challenge to others on both sides of the divide. I may not have my theology fully worked out yet, nor will I ever have all the answers, but I know that this is the right path.

Gratia Dei et intercessione Sanctae Genetricis suae, sim semper frater dilectus tuus in Christo,

Joannes